Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings and
a Good New Year to All!
The Shulman Center offers special discounted holiday relapse prevention
phone counseling "tune-ups." Please contact us to find out how
we can help your holidays be safe and successful!
November 25--Mr. Shulman to be featured in The New York Post
on shopping addiction and the holidays. See http://www.nypost.com/
Check out our new 1-hour employee theft online course. Learn why people
commit employee theft, how to deter it, and what to do when confronted
with it. See http://theshulmancenter.360training.com
Check out our new short uploaded web-videos on shoplifting addiction,
employee theft, and compulsive shopping/spending at http://theshulmancenter.com/videoarchive.html and
also on YouTube under "The Shulman Center" at http://youtube.com
Check out our websites on hoarding at www.hoardingtherapy.com & www.hoardersanonymous.org
your glass half full or half empty?
For many of us, it's hard enough to really soak in a sense of
gratitude when things are going well in our lives. More so, how many of
us can find any gratitude when we're going through tougher times? It's
plenty challenging to appreciate them in retrospect--even when
we survived and learned a valuable lesson or two. But this, to me,
is what true gratitude is about.
With Thanksgiving upon us and the other holidays following in
quick succession, I've begun to search my mind and heart for
feelings and declarations of gratitude. I notice I experience gratitude
both as an "inward appreciation" and an "outward
pouring out" which seems to prompt me to give back. I know there are
"big things" and "little things" I'm feeling grateful
for and I notice I feel much more deserving of good things in my life
today than I used to--I'm especially grateful for this!
I'm grateful for my wife, my family, my friends, my work, my income, my
home, my car, my health, my recovery. I'm grateful for the two doggies
I've been watching the last week. I'm grateful for the sun when it's out
and even the gray clouds which increasingly cover the
southeastern Michigan skies as fall turns to winter. Oh, and I'm grateful
for my TV--though I do have to ration my viewing!
When I reflect on my life at this time last year, I had
felt anything but grateful: I was embroiled in a year-long lawsuit
which cost much time, energy and money; I felt estranged from
loved ones; and I worried how I would pay my attorneys' and
other bills in the near future. It was probably the hardest
time of my life. However, as the saying goes: "this too shall
pass." The lawsuit settled, my relationships have progressed if not
fully healed, and the bills (including the attorneys') got paid.
Then, and only then, did I feel grateful or, at least, relieved.
Today, I feel grateful there is less drama and stress and less
financial insecurity than a year ago. Some, I recognize, are not as
fortunate. Especially with today's economy, the holiday season can be an
especially sensitive time. And yet, here we all are, living in an
increasingly volatile world.
In retrospect, as much as I went through most of last year kicking and
screaming, I truly appreciate how much my eyes were opened and how I've
made important changes in my life which were long overdue. I've learned
to set better boundaries, I've expanded my recovery, I've
learned how abundant I am despite weathering a financial crisis virtually
alone, and I have a deepened appreciation for those who stepped up to
emotionally support me. In a sense, I'm more grateful today than I
was a year ago because of the pain and drama I experienced. I'm not just
grateful I survived, I'm even more grateful I've thrived!
Recently a woman at a recovery meeting said "I'm not sure if I'm
grateful for my addiction but I'm sure the heck grateful for my
recovery!" Many have even shared about "the gift of
cancer." Tough times can make us stronger. But there's nothing that
says we have to go through tough times alone. Reach out--even if it hurts
and we don't get what we want or feel we need.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want to be put through the
ringer constantly just to learn and grow. But life will throw us curve
balls anyway and it's sure hard to appreciate much when you're
striking out! But, eventually, we learn to hit the curve balls--or
at least let a few go by without swinging. We're all being called forth
to heal, grow, change, and evolve. We can fight it kicking and screaming
or learn, step-by-step, to see it all through, grateful that we can do
What are you truly grateful for?
by Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on
life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the facts. It is more
important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures,
than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more
important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a
company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice
every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot
change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a
certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is
play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced
that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it
is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."
TEN TIPS FOR COPING WITH THE HOLIDAYS
1. Take things one day at a time/one
hour at a time/one moment at a time.
2. Stay out of the stores and don't buy into the spending frenzy
3. Get extra exposure to sunlight, full-spectrum light bulbs, and Vitamin
4. Exercise indoors and/or outdoors
5. Ration your "comfort food"
6. Spend time with friends and/or family members who uplift you rather
than drain your energy
7. Get extra rest (but don't overdo it!)
8. Catch up on cleaning, organizing and unfinished projects
9. Play games, read, do puzzles, be creative
10. Slow down and make time for solitude and self-reflection, healing and
A PRAYER/INTENTION FOR THE NEW YEAR...
embrace our true power...
embrace our true wisdom...
accept ourselves and others...
embrace true abundance...
share our gifts with humanity...
rejoice in nature's beauty and harmony...
I/we know peace.
AN ENDORSEMENT from
Terry Shulman provides a unique glimpse into the minds and hearts of
shoplifters and dishonest employees. Terry's personal work as a recovering
theft addict combined with his training as a therapist and an attorney
give him a rare perspective into the world of theft in the workplace. I
have found his material extremely helpful in training both managers and
investigators as it allows me to communicate the widespread prevalence of
employee theft while putting a human perspective on the experiences of
those who commit dishonest and fraudulent actions against retail
Frank Borecki, CFI
Senior Manager, Investigations
in the Workplace...
Excerpts from the 2010 Detroit Free Press Top Workplaces
(November 2010). These kinds of practices also help deter and reduce
employee theft which is on the rise nationwide. See full article: http://www.freep.com/article/99999999/BUSINESS06/101113004/1318/Perks-keep-morale-high-at-Michigans-top-workplaces&template=theme&theme=TOPWORKPLACES2010
Employees with a common goal
are happiest when pushing themselves hard -- and being challenged by
bosses and coworkers to push even harder. That's one consistent message
from reading through comments of workers at the 105 Michigan employers
recognized in the 2010 Detroit Free Press Top Workplaces survey, and
interviewing several executives.
Uncommon incentives keep
Donna Bank-Hoglen put in extra hours one weekend to wrap up
end-of-fiscal-year matters. The following Monday, the operations and
community manager got a bonus.
Little things matter to
few months after starting a new job at Quicken Loans, Jennifer Rass
discovered a small white envelope in her mail from CEO Bill Emerson
addressed to her son, Ethan. He had just turned 3. The envelope contained
a $10 bill and a birthday card. Company Chairman and Founder Dan Gilbert
and Emerson signed the card; Emerson drew a smiley face next to his name.
Respect aids staff growth...
an operating room nurse died from a heart attack in September, the staff
at UnaSource Surgery Center immediately took up a collection for his
family. They wanted to ease the burden for his wife and 16-year-old son.
Colleagues ordered food and delivered it to the family's house; they
rescheduled surgeries for the afternoon of the funeral so staff could pay
Perks keep morale high at Michigan's
year's Detroit Free Press Top Workplaces survey shows that the best
employers have refused to let a difficult economy distract them from
their focus on employee satisfaction.
THE TRUTH ABOUT
Excerpts from an
article by The Street (See www.thestreet.com)
Virginia resident Sue Van Glanden is so
committed to shopping on Black Friday that she's celebrating Thanksgiving
a day early this year.
"We're having Thanksgiving on Wednesday, so I'll have the whole day
Thursday to rest up, get online to do research and check Twitter,"
Van Glanden says, adding that she plans to hit three or four major
department stores before 9 a.m. Friday. "I am a seasoned comparison
shopper, so I'll only go after the very best deals for what I was
planning to buy this season."
Van Glanden isn't
alone in her quest for bargains. The National Retail Federation estimates
that Black Friday bargains will entice approximately 138 million
consumers to hit stores during the 2010 Thanksgiving holiday weekend, an
increase of 4 million people over last year.
Americans will brave long lines, overcrowded stores and early morning
winter weather in the hopes of scoring the best deals this season. But is
the added effort actually worth it?
experts, not really.
is a promotion and retailers rally around it," Regina Lewis, who
works as a consumer adviser for AOL says, adding that you don't need to
shop on Black Friday to get the best deals.
And according to
Brad Wilson, founder of the popular deals websites Bradsdeals.com and
BlackFriday2010.com, even when retailers offer top bargains the day after
Thanksgiving, the chances of actually scoring them are slim to none.
looking at a short window opportunity, from about 4 a.m., when the stores
first open, until 12 p.m. to get the best deals," Wilson says. After
that, stores typically sell all the discounted items and their advertised
prices go back up. The idea, Wilson says, is for consumers who missed out
on door-buster sales to spend on items that weren't on their wish lists.
"About 95% of
all the deals you find in stores are being offered online," Wilson
says, citing Best Buy's plan to honor all of its stores' Black Friday
prices on its website. Last year, Bath and Body Works, New York and Co.
and Leapfrog.com actually offered their deepest discounts online.
And, experts say,
even when retailers have better offers waiting inside their
brick-and-mortar stores, the savings don't usually justify the early
morning retail run.
Exposing these Black
Friday myths isn't likely to dissuade shoppers from lining up outside
their favorite stores the day after Thanksgiving. After all, according to
Juliano Laran, a marketing professor at the University of Miami and
consumer behavior specialist, the lure of deals is actually a secondary
trigger. What really drives the consumers in droves is the social
outside at 4:30 in the morning can't only be about saving," Laran
says. "We shop because other people shop."
"There are no
deals being offered. It's actually probably more expensive to have dinner
at fancy restaurant with your sweetheart," he says. "But people
do it because everyone else does."
want to seem wasteful," Laran says. The fact that everyone is
spending money that day makes us feel better about our own financial
choices, even if they're not the best decisions.
While most consumers
stop short of acknowledging conformity as a reason for braving Black
Friday crowds, some do admit that it's not the discount that drives them.
most of my life on Black Friday," says Cleveland resident Kristine
Meldrum Denholm. "It's been something I've been doing for probably
30 years with my girlfriends that I grew up with. It's more of a bonding
thing, our girl's day out if you will, away from the husbands, kids and
For some, Black
Friday is about creating memories.
"I think [Black
Friday] has really become a tradition for a lot of folks," adds
Lewis. "People do it so later they have stories to tell."
The Shulman Center Comes to You!
reminder: The Shulman Center offers counseling services here in the
metro-Detroit area, by telephone and/or SKYPE, or--in certain
circumstances--we may be able to come to you. Please feel free to contact
us to explore what option works best for you
Free Intimacy with Money Telephone Seminars
is with great excitement and confidence that I share about the free
"Intimacy with Money" telephone seminars conducted by my
long-time friend Tom Lietaert and my more recent friend Andrew Hogan who
currently work out of Boulder/Denver, Colorado.
To learn more and to
register, please go to: http://www.sacredodyssey.com/iwmhome.html
Please check out www.shopaholicnomore.com --
Dr. April Lane Benson's new website!
Book of the month:
"The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls
Apart" by Daphne Rose Kingma (2010, New World
Library). This is a great book and a good companion to Pema Chodrun's
"When Things Fall Apart" and Elisabeth Lesser's "Broken
Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow." Ms. Kingma's
suggestions/chapters include: "Cry Your Heart Out," "Face
Your Defaults," "Do Something Different," "Let
Go," "Remember Who You've Always Been,"
"Persist," "Integrate Your Loss," "Live
Simply," "Go Where the Love Is," and "Live in the
Light of the Spirit."
Compulsive Theft & Spending in The News! November/December 2010:
November--Mr. Shulman published and
article in Recovery Today online on compulsive theft & spending.
November--Mr. Shulman had an article on compulsive theft and spending
featured in the Fall edition of Addiction Professional magazine.
November--Mr. Shulman had an article
and ad featured on http://www.wcgcreative.com/
Shulman consulted on two reality TV shows about compulsive
shopping/spending--one on Bravo Network and another on The Discovery
November--Mr. Shulman is consulting with MSNBC's "Your
Business" discussing employee theft.
November 2--Mr. Shulman was interviewed on compulsive
shopping/spending and the holidays on metro-Detroit local community
access cable TV.
November 10--Mr. Shulman conducted a Skype Interview about compulsive
November 10--Mr. Shulman was interviewed by www.thestreet.com on
November 11--Mr. Shulman was featured on the radio interview on
compulsive shopping/spending on www.momsthewordshow.com out of Colorado.
November 15--Mr. Shulman was featured online about compulsive
shopping/spending on http://www.newsweek.com/2010/11/12/confessions-of-real-shopaholics.html and
November 25--Mr. Shulman was interviewed in The New York Post
on shopping addiction and the holidays. See http://www.nypost.com/
November 29--Mr. Shulman will be interviewed by a reporter with The
Oklahoma Journal Record on shopping addiction.
December 1-3--Mr. Shulman will be presenting on employee theft detection
and prevention at The National Association of RV Parks and Campgrounds
Annual Conference in Las Vegas.
December--Mr. Shulman to be featured in Real Simple magazine about
compulsive shopping and spending.
December--Mr. Shulman to be featured in articles in The Toronto Star
newspaper and in Canada's Chatelaine magazine on shoplifting addiction.
2011 and beyond...
January 2011--Mr. Shulman will have an article published in the Jack
Hayes Loss Prevention quarterly newsletter.
January 2011--Mr. Shulman will have an article published on healing the
holiday overspending hangover in Renew recovery magazine. See www.reneweveryday.com
January/February--Mr. Shulman to speak about employee theft at the
Detroit-area American Society of Employers.
February 4, 2011--Mr. Shulman will be presenting a 2-hour seminar on
employee theft to metro-Detroit area recipients rights workers at
Washtenaw County Community College.
Fall 2011--Mr. Shulman is hoping to assist with organizing and presenting
at an all-day conference in San Francisco, CA on various impulse control
October 1, 2011--Mr. Shulman will be presenting an all-day seminar on
compulsive theft & spending & hoarding in the metro-Detroit
November 4, 2011--Mr. Shulman will be presenting an all-day seminar on
compulsive theft & spending & hoarding in the Chicago area
through Proctor Hospital's/Illinois Institute for Addiction and
Recovery's ongoing learning program.
Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive
shopping and spending called "Bought Out and $pent!" based
on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, offered through The
American Psychotherapy Association, is available for purchase by APA
members and non-members. CEs are available. He's working on a
therapist certification program in compulsive theft/spending for the APA.
Shulman is assisting the Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system a
court-ordered three hour facilitated educational program for retail
fraud offenders. The program is based on material from his book
"Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery"
Mr. Shulman created a 1-hour employee theft online course with 360
Training. Learn why people commit employee theft, how to deter it, and
what to do when confronted with it. See http://theshulmancenter.360training.com
Mr. Shulman is consulting on a major motion picture tentatively called
"The Rush" in which the lead character is addicted to
shoplifting and stealing.
Shulman continues to assist the Kingman, Arizona court system with his
court-ordered home-study program for retail fraud offenders. The
program is based on material from his book "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and
Mr. Shulman is consulting with an author who is writing a novel about two
kleptomaniacs who fall in love with each other.
Daryl Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAAC, CPC
P.O. Box 250008
Franklin, Michigan 48025
(248) 358-8508 for free consultation!
Related sites by Terrence Shulman:
The Hand That Feeds
Out and $pent
Products for Purchase--ON SALE
Shulman's three books "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction &
Recovery" and "Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft
Epidemic... New Perspectives, New Solutions," and "Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive
$hopping and $pending" are available for $25.00 each (includes
Click here to purchase
E-mail Mr. Shulman:
Call (248) 358-8508