The Shulman Center

Terrence Shulman
Founder/Director of
The Shulman Center

Terry Shulman

February 2011 Monthly e-Newsletter
" Westward Ho? "
By Terrence Daryl Shulman

Happy Black History Month, President's Day, and Valentines' Day!

Check out our new online support group for compulsive shoppers/spenders and hoarders. Register by going to
the link:

Mr. Shulman will be presenting two 6-hour seminars for continuing education credit on Friday February 11, 2011 &
also on Sunday February 20, 2011 in the metro-Detroit area. Each seminar will educate on shoplifting/kleptomania
and employee theft, compulsive shopping/spending, and hoarding/cluttering disorders. Please contact The Shulman
Center for more information and/or registration.

The Shulman Center will be conducting an all-day conference in Detroit Saturday October 1, 2011 on compulsive shoplifting/employee theft, kleptomania, compulsive shopping/overspending, and hoarding/cluttering disorders.

Check out our new 1-hour employee theft online course. Learn why people commit employee theft, how to deter it, and what to do when confronted with it. See

Check out our new uploaded web-videos on shoplifting addiction, employee theft, & compulsive shopping/spending
at and under "The Shulman Center" on

Check out our new websites on hoarding at &

There's a Feeling I Get, When I Look to the West...
by Terry Shulman

My wife and I just returned from a very interesting week-long trip to Southern California. We spent most of our time in Santa Monica with my 30-year old brother and traveled between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. It was one of those trips that pulls you far out of your normal surroundings and routines enough to both disorient you and help you recognize and find some parts of yourself.

After three cold and wintry months in metro-Detroit, the weather out west could not have been more perfect--sunny,
in the mid-70's every day. The Pacific Ocean, the mountains, the palm trees, the warm sun and the cool breeze all
seemed to conspire to impregnate me with that familiar unanswerable question: "so why do I live in Detroit?" My
stock responses (to myself, my wife, my brother, or any others) have proven reliable: "somebody has to suffer," or
"it helps me appreciate my vacations all the more," or "hey, summer and fall aren't bad," and, finally, "it's home."
This time, however, the question seemed to penetrate more deeply and my stock answers failed me. I could only admit that I didn't know.

How do you know when it's time to leave home? And what is "home" anyway? Is it where we lay our head? Our
heart? Or is it wherever we say it is? My wife would be ready to move in a heartbeat! Or at least she'd like to live
somewhere warm during the colder Michigan months. She loves the abundance of health food stores, restaurants, a tea and coffee shops. She loves the beach, the sea, the birds, flowers and trees. I notice part of me wishes for nothing more than to see my wife happy, free, at peace. Then there's the part of me that fears change.. particularly dramatic changes.

I'm fortunate to have the kind of work that would allow me to re-locate: I do most of my counseling by telephone and almost all of my writing and reading online. We'd have to rent our condo. I'd miss my friends and family but my folks are gone half the year to Florida and my middle brother and my 9-year old nephew would be fine. I can see how loyal I've been to my family and how I've felt to leave would amount to a betrayal. I must put that to rest.

Of course, rarely is there a geographical cure for whatever we think may ail us: "the grass is always greener..."
and 'wherever you go, there you are." Besides, the cost of living in California, the traffic, the smog, the fires and the mudslides, and the earthquakes! "The fantasy is always better than the reality."

In the midst of my future thinking, I was--believe it or not---able to enjoy each day's gifts as they came. I actually
spent 3 full days at the beach, went to a concert, saw a few friends, attended a recovery support group, enjoyed an evening at a health spa, and even visited The Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley (my wife and I wereinvited by friends who recently became members).

I also attended a 3-hour settlement conference with my brother and his attorney to avert a lawsuit they may file
over a breach of contact claim against a musician my brother had managed who fired him after my brother
helped him get a major record deal. This brought back memories of my own lawsuit nearly 2 years ago. I am
still grateful I was able to offer him support. He loves his 5-year old career in music despite his growing awareness
of the toughness of it all. "It's just business" seems to be the universal absolution for back-stabbing.

I last visited my brother 3 months ago and this trip was much more relaxing even though we both were on the edge of wearing out our welcomes by week's end. If he texted on his Blackberry one more time while driving I'd have thrown it out his car window! And I'm sure I was grating on his nerves about locking his apartment door ormaking him squirm by sharing embarrassing or sensitive tidbits around his friends. Yep, it was time to go.

If I had to grade myself on being present, having fun, and striking a balance between doing and being, I'd think I'd
give myself a big fat B+! I let go of work and let go of (most) of my worries (about money, family, and more work!).
While I've spent the last two days since returning catching up on loose ends, as Monday morning approaches I
turn my attention to a good friend of ours who will be having surgery. Now is the only time we have and here is
the only place that matters.

Please Note...

The Shulman Center will conduct an all-day conference in Detroit Saturday October 1, 2011. The Third International
Conference on Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding will cover shoplifting addiction, kleptomania, employee
theft, compulsive shopping/overspending, and hoarding/cluttering disorders. Please see information and registration



Kleptomaniac Group Offers Support, Anonymity
By Morgan Jarmea, The Grand Rapids (Michigan) Press



New survey finds that 1/3 of Americans admit lying to their spouses about money, devastating their relationships.
By Jenna Goudreau

Financial infidelity may be the new normal. In a recent survey, one in three Americans (31%) who have combined
their finances admitted lying to their spouses about money, and 1/3 of these adults said they'd been deceived.

The online poll, commissioned by ForbesWoman and the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE) and conducted by Harris Interactive, surveyed 2,019 U.S. adults from December 17 to 21 (2010). For both offenders and victims, the leading money crimes were hiding cash, minor purchases and bills.

Meanwhile, a significant number of people admitted hiding major purchases, keeping secret bank accounts and lying about their debt or earnings."A third of the population admits to not being honest with their spouse," says NEFE chief executive Ted Beck. "That is a big number. These indiscretions cause significant damage to the relationship."

10 Red Flags Your Partner Is Lying About Money

Among couples impacted by financial infidelity, 67% said the deception led to an argument and 42% said it caused
less trust in the relationship. Perhaps most alarming, 16% of these respondents said the money lie led to a divorce
and 11% said it led to a separation.

"Betrayal regarding money can be just as painful and damaging as other kinds of cheating," says Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your
Marriage. When a partner is caught concealing huge amounts of debt or involved in money-related addictions, the
result can be a "total loss of trust, feelings of betrayal and destruction of the relationship."

Love And Money: Step-By-Step Guide To Financial Unity

"It felt like finding out about an affair," says Nestor. "But when your spouse cheats sexually, you can walk away and
it's gone. When they cheat financially you live with the effects for however long it takes to dig out of the hole."

According to the survey, over half of all financial cheaters admitted hiding cash (58%) or minor purchases (54%).
NEFE's Beck says this is particularly concerning as small lies often compound over time to become increasingly
larger and more harmful deceptions. Of the offenders, 30% have hidden a bill, 16% have hidden a major purchase,
15% had a secret bank account, 11% lied about their debts and 11% lied about the amount of money they earned.

10 Red Flags Your Partner Is Lying About Money

Another of her clients is in her 30s, remarried and has a son from a previous marriage, Chemtob says. Three
years ago, she lied to her new husband that she wasn't receiving child support. She was. Now he pays for the
child's expenses and private schooling while the woman stashes about $7,000 a month in a hidden bank account.

In one of the most extreme deceptions Chemtob's come across, a 20-something woman fabricated her entire financial history. The original lie happened on the first date. Because he was very well-educated, successful and
high-earning, she didn't think he'd like her when she told him she didn't have a degree or a job. She lied, saying
she had her masters and a salaried position.

The woman continued the fib while they dated and into their eventual marriage. When he left home for work, she left too. When he returned home in the evening, so did she. Because he was so successful, he paid for everything and had never noticed that she didn't have an income. Eventually he did discover the truth and promptly filed for divorce.

Rest of article:



Gilbert Arenas pays a lot of money to maintain his sharks! By Kelly Dwyer

It's necessary to point out, before we start pointing fingers and laughing, that the court battle between Gilbert Arenas and his former girlfriend is nothing to cackle over. There are children in the middle, and Gilbert's ex is trying to wrangle a settlement that is in the best interests of those children.

That said, wow. That's a lot of money you've spent, there, Gilbert Arenas. And even in the middle of a six-year, $111
million contract (that followed a six-year, nearly $64 million contract), there's absolutely no way Gilbert Arenas can
keep up this lifestyle for much longer.

What lifestyle? According to court records obtained by The Washington Post, this lifestyle...

There's a lot about how Arenas spent his money, based on her understanding of the household finances: "he states
he makes 1.5 million per month," read the notes. Arenas lavished plenty on their Great Falls home, dropping $100,000 on landscaping, $5,000 a month for housekeepers, $675 "per car" washing, and $1 million for his backyard and his grotto. His sharks are expensive: $5,000 a month to feed them and $1,500 for a keeper to drive from Columbus to take care of them.

He was extravagant when it came to toys for the children--ages 5, 4 and 2--buying a $60,000 train set and $8,000
toy Mercedes-Benz electric car, dropping between $30,000 and $40,000 during a shopping spree at FAO Schwartz.
(Arenas also told this story on the blog, but didn't divulge the amount of money spent.)

There is some debate as to whether or not Arenas, currently shooting under 40 percent from the field in Orlando
while playing on a surgically reconstructed left knee, will even be able to play beyond his current contract, which expires in 2014. So this is about it for him, and it's not a stretch to say that Arenas (though that contract is easily the league's worst) will be traded a few more times before the deal is done.

So please, Gilbert, let's refrain from building a shark-filled grotto in Orlando. And maybe look into goldfish futures back in the District of Columbia.

Rest of article:

Few Employees Would Steal from These Jobs!
By Leigh Gallagher (Fortune Magazine)

SAS takes the prize again! When it comes to workplaces, few companies offer the kinds of perks the privately held software giant does: Employees at its Cary, N.C., campus can help themselves to everything from a tailor, a manicurist, and a hair salon, to summer camp programs for kids, to car detailing — all of which helped land the company at the top of our list of the 100 best workplaces last year. This year the feedback from employees — the core of our survey — was even stronger than last year, and SAS's scores increased significantly. "They were head and shoulders above anybody else," says Milton Moskowitz, the co-author of the list.

Landing the top spot twice in a row is a feat on the Best Companies to Work For list where on-site gyms and
401(k) matches are de rigueur. (Free cafeterias, tanning beds, and an on-site life coach? Now we have a conversation.) The top five this year reflect some names familiar to readers of our list: Boston Consulting Group
at No. 2, Wegmans Food Markets in third place, Google once again in the No. 4 slot, and data-storage company NetApp (No. 1 in 2009) is fifth. This year we welcome 10 newcomers to the list, including Hasbro, Morningstar, Stryker, and Darden Restaurants. We also welcome back many stalwarts: 13 companies have earned a spot on
our list each of its 14 years, among them Cisco, Wegmans Food Markets, Microsoft, and Goldman Sachs.

How do we put the list together? Simply stated, we ask the employees themselves. We partner with the Great
Place to Work Institute to conduct an extensive survey of hundreds of employees at each company. Two-thirds of a company's score is based on employees' answers to questions about such factors as job satisfaction, management credibility, and camaraderie. (The other third is based on the companies' responses to detailed questions about pay, benefit programs, hiring practices, recognition programs, diversity efforts, and more.)

So who are this year's Best Companies and what's so great about them? Read on...

1.SAS Rank: 1 (Previous rank: 1)

What makes it so great?

A 14-year veteran of this list, the software firm takes the top spot for the second year running.

Its perks are epic: on-site healthcare, high quality childcare at $410 per month, summer camp for kids, car cleaning, a beauty salon, and more — it's all enough to make a state-of-the-art, 66,000-square-foot gym seem
like nothing special by comparison.

This year, strong employee feedback sent its numbers even higher. Says one manager: "People stay at SAS in large part because they are happy, but to dig a little deeper, I would argue that people don't leave SAS because they feel regarded — seen, attended to and cared for. I have stayed for that reason, and love what I do for that reason."

2009 revenue ($ millions): 2,310

2. Boston Consulting Group Rank: 2 (Previous rank: 8)

What makes it so great?

The consulting giant not only avoided layoffs in the downturn, but hired its largest class of recruits ever in 2010.

They're drawn by the firm's generous pay and a commitment to social work: Its Social Impact Practice Network (SIPN) offers a chance to work with the U.N. World Food Program and Save the Children, while BCG pulled its consultants off client projects to provide on-the-ground support in Haiti following the earthquake.

The company jumps up from no. 8 last year.

2009 revenue ($ millions): 2,750

3. Wegmans Food Markets Rank: 3 (Previous rank: 3)

What makes it so great?

This customer-friendly supermarket chain cares about the well-being of its workers, too. This year, 11,000 employees took part in a challenge to eat five cups of fruit and vegetables a day and walk up to 10,000 steps
day for eight weeks.

Another 8,000 took advantage of health screenings that included a flu shot & H1N1 vaccine covered by Wegmans.

2009 revenue ($ millions): 5,193

4. Google Rank: 4 (Previous rank: 4)

What makes it so great?

The search giant is famous for its laundry list of perks including free food at any of its cafeterias, a climbing wall, and, well, free laundry.

Last year, with revenue up more than 20%, Google sweetened this already rich pot of perks by giving every employee a 10% pay hike. Googlers can also award one another $175 peer spot bonuses — last year more
than two-thirds of them did so.

2009 revenue ($ millions): 23,651

Rest of article:



To be held in Detroit, Michigan August 2011. Stay tuned for more details or check

Book of the month:
"God of Our Understanding: Jewish Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction" by Rabbi Shais Taub (2010, KTAV). A good book about recovery from all addictions written especially, but not only, for Jewish readers and for both addicts and family members or friends of addicts. Old Testament quotes pepper
the book but it is more generally spiritual with a sense of humor and stories throughout. Rabbi Taub discusses The
12 Steps from a Judaic perspective. Rabbi Taub moved recently from Milwaukee to Pittsburgh and is one of only a
relatively few number of rabbis focusing on addiction and recovery--still somewhat of a taboo topic among some Jewish communities. I recently saw Rabbi Taub speak 2 months ago when he visited the metro-Detroit area.

The Shulman Center Comes to You!

A reminder: The Shulman Center offers counseling services in the metro-Detroit area, by telephone and/or SKYPE. In certain circumstances--we may be able to come to you. Please feel free to contact us to explore what option works best for you!


Free Intimacy with Money Telephone Seminars

It is with great excitement and confidence that I share the free "Intimacy with Money" telephone seminars conducted by my long-time friend Tom Lietaert and my recent friend Andrew Hogan who currently work out of Boulder/Denver, Colorado. To learn more or to register, please go to:

Please check out Angela Wurtzel, MFT's website. Angela is an excellent
therapist in the Santa Barbara, California area who specializes in eating disorder and shopping addiction treatment.

Compulsive Theft & Spending in The News! January/February 2011:

December 29--Mr. Shulman was quoted in an article in The Oklahoma Journal Record on shopping addiction.

January 4/5, 2011--Mr. Shulman was in Toronto being interviewed for a Canadian documentary-style program on compulsive shopping/spending. The 4-hour / 4-part series will air later this year on Vision network.

January 8---Mr. Shulman presented at Men of Today meeting at Renaissance Unity Church in Warren, MI. His 90 minute presentation: "Looking Back, Moving Forward: Claiming the Gifts of 2010, Creating a Vision for 2011.

January 12--Mr. Shulman had an article published on entitled: "Looking Back, Moving Forward: Claiming the Gifts of 2010, Creating a Vision for 2011."

January 18--Mr. Shulman presented on employee theft at American Society of Employers in Livonia, MI.

January 18--Mr. Shulman was quoted in an article about shoplifting addiction and C.A.S.A. support groups
in The Grand Rapids (Michigan) Press.

January 2011--Mr. Shulman was featured in Renew Recovery magazine about compulsive shopping and spending.

February 4--Mr. Shulman will be presenting a 2-hour seminar on employee theft to metro-Detroit area recipients rights workers at Washtenaw County Community College.

Februrary 11 and 20--Mr. Shulman will be presenting two 6-hour seminars for continuing education credit
in the metro-Detroit area. Each seminar will cover material on shoplifting/kleptomania/employee theft, compulsive shopping/spending, and hoarding/cluttering disorders. Please contact The Shulman Center for more information and/or registration or see

March 2011 and beyond...

March 3--Mr. Shulman will be interviewed by MSNBC's "Your Business" program on employee theft and on The Shulman Center.

April 7/8--Mr. Shulman may present on hoarding disorder at The National Association of Social Workers--Michigan Chapter Annual Conference in Dearborn, MI.

June 2-5--Mr. Shulman will be presenting on compulsive theft and spending at the 2nd Annual West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders in Palm Springs, California. See

October 1--Mr. Shulman will be presenting an all-day seminar on compulsive theft & spending & hoarding in the metro-Detroit area.

November 4--Mr. Shulman will present an all-day seminar on compulsive theft & spending & hoarding in the Chicago area through Proctor Hospital's/Illinois Institute for Addiction and Recovery's ongoing learning program.



Mr. Shulman is assisting the Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system a court-ordered three hour, facilitated educational program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from his book "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery" (2003).

Mr. Shulman created a 1-hour employee theft online course with 360 Training. Learn why people steal from their
jobs, how to deter it, prevent it, and what to do when confronted with it. See or enroll in course at:

Mr. Shulman is consulting on a major motion picture tentatively called "The Rush" in which the lead character is addicted to shoplifting and stealing.

Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive shopping and spending called
"Bought Out and $pent!" based on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, offered through The American Psychotherapy Association, is available for purchase by APA members and non-members. CEs are available. He's working on a therapist certification program in compulsive theft/spending for the APA.
See or enroll in course at:

Mr. Shulman collaborated with the Kingman, AZ courts with a court-ordered home-study program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from his book "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery" (2003).

Mr. Shulman is consulting with an author who is writing a novel about two kleptomaniacs who fall in love with
each other.

Contact The Shulman Center

Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAAC, CPC
P.O. Box 250008
Franklin, Michigan 48025


Call (248) 358-8508 for free consultation!

Related sites by Terrence Shulman:


Something For Nothing
Biting The Hand That Feeds
Bought Out and $pent

Products for Purchase--ON SALE through 2009!

Mr. Shulman's three books "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction & Recovery"
"Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic... New Perspectives, New Solutions,"
and "Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending"
are available for $25.00 each (includes shipping/handling).

Click here to purchase

E-mail Mr. Shulman:


Call (248) 358-8508