The Shulman Center

Terrence Shulman
JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAAC, CPC
Founder/Director of
The Shulman Center

Terry Shulman

June 2010 Monthly e-Newsletter
"Memorial Daze"
by
Terrence Daryl Shulman

ANNOUNCEMENTS! Happy Memorial Day! Happy Father's Day!

Check out our newly updated blog at http://blog.theshulmancenter.com

Check out our seven new short uploaded webvideos on shoplifting addiction, employee theft, and compulsive shopping/spending at: http://theshulmancenter.com/videoarchive.html

New websites under construction as we expand our services to include therapy for hoarding and cluttering. See www.hoardingtherapy.com and www.hoardersanonymous.org

The Shulman Center is pleased to announce that since we launched our e-Newsletter 5 years ago, we recently reached 1000th e-Newsletter subscribers! Thank you for your interest!

Note of interest: Mr. Shulman will be celebrating his 45th birthday on June 27th.
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Memorial Daze: Remember Our Soldiers, Remembering Ourselves

Wars continue to be fought and we honor those who have served long ago or more recently--especially those who've lost their lives. Many of us here in the U.S. continue to keep an eye on
the Gulf oil crisis and how scared, helpless and powerless we feel--just like in war. We ask ourselves: how could this have been prevented? How can we stop this flow of oil/blood? What can
we learn from this? How can we prevent this from happening again?

Interestingly, all these questions are questions we often ask ourselves (or, at least should) when we're going through any personal crisis, especially with addictions which are true battles of their own.

We fight the good fight--as others have fought, too. But what are we fighting for? We often say "freedom." But what does freedom mean?

One way to think about freedom is our freedom from physical incarceration--whether we appreciate that or not. I recently had a former client who finally was sentenced in the last week to 10 years in prison for felony embezzlement. I'm also thinking of former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick who was also sentence this past week to 1 1/2 to 5 years in prison for violating his probation due to lying and failing to adequately pay his restitution to the City of Detroit. Also this week, a female drunk drive who had been sexually abused and became an alcoholic was sentence to 25 years in prison for killing 4 teens. People with such potential often fall off the path and pay dearly. It's a tragedy for all.

Then there is the freedom of the mind. We can remember that, today we can be free no matter what our condition--whether we are ill of health or behind bars. I'm thinking today about my best friend's mother-in-law who just passed away. A woman of strong will, she fought her various health issues mightily over the last couple years, only to be admitted to hospice in the last week and, finally, to surrender to the great mystery.

What happens when the mind is not at peace? It creates problems, crises, drama. I've certainly created my fair share. I'm reminded of late of Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, a Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate, who recently was caught lying on several occasions about his service in Vietnam--he never served--and what makes someone embellish the truth and pretend he's more than he actually is. This is what I used to do all the time. I would play the hero and, then, play the villain (I was a shoplifter) all at the same time. I wasn't able to admit I was angry or that I couldn't do it all. My lies weren't unlike Mr. Blumenthal's--I was lying by propping myself up through my outlet of stealing to keep my image and erase my insecurities.

Similarly, I recently worked with a client who reminded me of myself: she did it all, she was a rock for her work and her family and, yet, she was shoplifting weekly over the last decade. Finally, she was caught. I asked her: "If you're such a rock, how come you have to shoplift?" She told me this question penetrated her to her core.

Perhaps we're all trying to find freedom from our false selves and freedom from fear so that we may love ourselves and others more fully, our planet more fully. When we think of the term "recovery" we might ask: what is it we're trying to recover? One possible answer is "our authentic self" which, all too often, we begin to lose over the course of life's hardships and role adaptations. However, none of us gets out of here alive and, likely, we have the opportunity to become even more our authentic selves under the crucible of struggle if we have good guides and remember that--like our brave soldiers--if we give our lives for a cause (be that recovery, the search for meaning, the search for love, the search for passion) we have the opportunity to be transformed and to co-create our lives with both awe and an appreciation of the unfolding mystery.

I read two quotes from a book recently; actually, they were more like Zen koans.

One: "Where is the 'me' I used to be?" (An illustration shows a young girl's faded face peering through the shirt over a woman's chest/heart area).

For many war veterans, this question/koan is a common one? War typically changes its veterans profoundly. However, more generally, each of us may ask: Is my inner child always with me as I continue to grow into a more mature adult? Are all my memories stored somewhere inside as I continue to accumulate more memories? Is my image of my earlier self still held in escrow as I attempt to expand or shift my sense of self?

Two: "Do I need to leave to truly know what I have left?" (An illustration shows a boy with wings
flying out the open door of a bird cage while his parents and sibling sit within the cage on a perch).

Do we need to lose our freedom, our careers, our marriages, our health, our families, our money, our environment, our reputations, even our lives in order to more deeply appreciate and know ourselves and our blessings? Sometimes, perhaps, this might be avoided. All too often, however, it seems like part of the age-old human story: we must lose or leave that which we've clung to so preciously in order to be burned up and made new.

So, this Memorial Day, as we remember those who've fallen in war or through other battles, let us also remember ourselves and, hopefully, how we've survived and even thrived through battles of our own.

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Sex and The City 2: A Return to Conspicuous Consumption?


I am a fan of the "Sex and The City" TV series and of the first movie version that came out 2 years ago, a lot has happened with our economy since that time. While I haven't seen the cinematic sequel which just arrive this past weekend, I'll be curious how it will feel to me (and others): if its long-standing homage to haute couture and all things glamourous will land with a thud of sorts given the economic meltdown, war, and the Gulf oil crisis. Of course, we can never underestimate the power of our individual and collective need to escape.

Early reviews of the film state that it's inferior to the first one--more fluff than stuff--that the character have become mere charicatures of themselves. On the other hand, several reviews have shared that the first film was too angst-ridden and not fun enough and that the sequel makes up for that.

As with the "Confessions of a Shopaholic" phenomenon, my point is not to be heavy-handed about escapist fun or making light of potentially serious problems. Indeed, one of my favorite new TV sitcoms is "Cougar Town" in which virtually all the characters are obvious alcoholics or, at least, alcohol abusers. Still, I feel we must be mindful at least when conspicuous consumption (or excessive drinking for that matter) is presented in a way in which our own vulnerabilities may not be able to filter out the intended or unintended lures of behaviors which can really cause harm.

So, have fun and escape a little but stay awake, too!___________________________________________________________________________________

The Shulman Center Comes to You!

A reminder: The Shulman Center offers counseling services here in the metro-Detroit area, by telephone and/or SKYPE, or--in certain circumstances--we may be able to come to you. Please feel free to contact us to explore what option works best for you!_________________________________________________________________________

Free Intimacy with Money Telephone Seminars

It is with great excitement and confidence that I share about the free "Intimacy with Money"
telephone seminars conducted by my long-time friend Tom Lietaert and my more recent friend Andrew Hogan who currently work out of Boulder/Denver, Colorado.

To learn more and to register, please go to: http://www.sacredodyssey.com/iwmhome.html
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Book of the month: The New Codependency by Meoldy Beattie.

Perhaps you've heard of or read Ms. Beattie's previous books Codependent No More (1986) or Beyond Codependency (1989). I believe she--along with Pia Mellody and Claudia Black--has been at the forefront of research and writing on this ever-important topic. I have only recently begun to read Ms. Beattie's new book but I'd highly recommend it. It's good for beginners who are new to learning about codependency as well as those of us who are "old-timers" but who find ourselves needing constantly to hear things in a new or deeper way.

Ms. Beattie shares about herself and where she's at in her life, including more recent situations which have challenged her own recovery. She also writes in a way for a new generation, hoping younger people learn more quickly and effectively about codependent patterns. She writes that while codependency--through research, writing and treatment--has certainly outgrown its fad-like status in the last 20-30 years, there's still more work to do.

Do yourself a favor and get this book for yourself and/or a loved one who you feel might benefit from it. Setting boundaries and really understanding about deep self-care continue to be important subjects in an ever-changing world which seems to be both faster and more chaotic and more intertwined through our use of the media and technologies.

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Compulsive Theft & Spending in The News! May/June 2010:.

May 1--Mr. Shulman is a featured contributor on compulsive theft and spending in Carol Lawyer's May Intervention e-Newsletter www.interventionfirst.com

May 10--Mr. Shulman was quoted in Buffalo News article about compulsive shopping/spending.

May 25--Mr. Shulman was featured in an article on AOL Finance on compulsive shopping/spending.

May 29--Mr. Shulman's online education course called "Creating an Honest and Theft-Free Workplace" based on his book and Power Point presentation through 360 Training Services will be available. CEs are available. See www.360training.com

Mr. Shulman is currently assisting Seventeen magazine with an article on teens and overshopping.

June--Mr. Shulman will be featured in articles in The Toronto Star newspaper and in Canada's
Chatelaine magazine on shoplifting addiction.

Beyond June...

Mr. Shulman will be featured in Real Simple magazine about compulsive shopping/spending.

September 8-11--Mr. Shulman will be a guest presenter on compulsive shopping and spending at
The National Conference on Addiction Disorders near Washington, D.C.

September: Mr. Shulman authored a chapter on employee theft for a U.K. book entitled "Risky Business" which will be released.

October 29--Mr. Shulman will be a featured presenter on compulsive shopping/spending and hoarding at a metro-Detroit all-day addiction conference for mental health professionals.

December 1-4--Mr. Shulman will be presenting on employee theft detection and prevention at The National Association of RV Parks and Campgrounds Annual Conference in Las Vegas.

Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive shopping and spending  called "Bought Out and $pent!" based on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, offered through The American Psychotherapy Association, is available for purchase by APA members and non-members. CEs are available. He is also working on authoring a therapist certification program in compulsive theft and spending for the APA. See http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com/

Mr. Shulman is assisting the Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system a court-ordered three hour 
facilitated educational program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from
his book "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery" (2003).

Mr. Shulman is consulting on a major motion picture tentatively called "The Rush" in which the lead character is addicted to shoplifting and stealing.

Mr. Shulman continues to assist the Kingman, Arizona court system with his court-ordered home-
study program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from his book "Something
for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery" (2003).

Mr. Shulman is consulting with an author who is writing a novel about two kleptomaniacs who fall in
love with each other.
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Contact The Shulman Center

Terrence Shulman
P.O. Box 250008
Franklin, Michigan 48025

E-mail:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com

Call (248) 358-8508 for free consultation!

Related sites by Terrence Shulman:
www.theshulmancenter.com
www.kleptomaniacsanonymous.com
www.shoppingaddictions.org
www.shopliftingaddictions.com

www.terrenceshulman.com 
www.shopaholicsanonymous.org
www.employeetheftsolutions.com
www.somethingfornothingbook.com
www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com
www.boughtoutandspent.com

www.hoardingtherapy.com

www.hoardersanonymous.org


Books:

Something For Nothing
Biting The Hand That Feeds
Bought Out and $pent

Products for Purchase--ON SALE through 2009!

Mr. Shulman's three books "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction & Recovery" and "Biting
The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic... New Perspectives, New Solutions," and
"Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending" are available for $25.00
each (includes shipping/handling).

Second International Conference on Compulsive Theft & Spending 2 DVD set (6 Hours). Recorded 9/08. $100.00.

Click here to purchase

E-mail Mr. Shulman:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com

or

Call (248) 358-8508